I have over 60 bottles in vibrant reds, dark emeralds, shocking pinks and burnt oranges… the take over a whole shelf in my room.
My room, which has housed me through the dreaming and desiring, through the pain and the joy; my room which had become my safe haven.
The place in which I can shut the door and escape, with my candles and the methodical colouring of my finger nails.
I can be safe from the whirlwind that I feel around me.
But soon it will be someone else’s room.
The nail polish will find a new home, the pictures and books…the many many books will be in boxes, and I will step onto a plane and find a new home.
One where I shall live with less than I have in years. A new home where my clothes and jewellery will not make sense.
I am giving it all up and it scares me…
I gave it all up when I gave my life to him. I said I would go… if he sent me, wherever he sent me!
I would dream and desire to run with him, to see his miracles and see the lives changed.
And now he has called me, and it means no obscene nail polish collection and no double bed in a massive room… but it also means reliance on him in everything!
Dreaming with him in the wide open world and seeing the changes in front of me.
It means hard work and new languages, it means sharing rooms and being freezing cold (sometimes).
It means new countries and new people, it means hitchhiking into cities and it means going back to my roots.
It means new adventures and the realisation of prophecies.
God knows what he is doing… he knows how my heart is going to change there..oh my, how it will change there…10 days made me dream differently, it turned my world around.
How much will it shake me when I am there longer.
How much will my heart be overjoyed and filled with his glory.
When I join the centre of it, when I know the heart as my own and feel the place is my home?
In 3 months time I will leave the beautiful place I have lived for 5 years and move home to prepare to move country.
It is exciting, it is scary…it is adventure.
I love adventures.
I think I am becoming more excited than scared now.
This is good.