Journal…honesty

The last month has been a crazy, beautiful, grace filled one. I am not really sure what happen exactly, or why I feel so different now than I did this time last month but I know that it is good. 
Actually maybe I do know. About this time last month I had a coffee with a wonderful women who is a bit older than me, infinitely wiser than me and someone who I look up to a lot. 
I asked for the coffee date because I knew there was a whole load of stuff bubbling up in me that was about to explode. It had actually already started to steam, and she could tell. She could see from the way I was using my words, from my reactions to situations that there was something not quite right under the surface. 
So the coffee date happens, tears, honest heartfelt conversation and challenge. 
Godly deep rooted challenge. 
About forgiveness and relationships, about trust and acceptance, about being noticed and appreciated. 
Challenge about giving things up, letting them go, not being a slave to what had been in my past. 
She sat there and said things to me that needed to be said, things others may have been afraid to say. She didn’t back down or apologise about it, or skip around the bluntness. 
She told me that I needed to forgive, I needed to open up and be vulnerable, that I needed to recognise that the issues I was fighting for didn’t necessarily exist because I was projecting my things onto the whole world. 
It made me realise that I need that, I need someone who will be that honest with me. 
Someone who wasn’t afraid to say it how it is. 
Challenge is Godly, when it is done in Love, through prayer and while walking alongside someone. 
That conversation opened me up to actually seeing where I was going with God, it stopped me from beating myself into the ground and it made me start dealing with my things. 
The ones that have haunted me for a while, the ones I had pushed down and ignored or just ‘got over’.
So I look back on this past month and I see that from that moment, when I realised what exactly was bubbling out of me, I started to see things differently. God started something different in me, I let Him in, let Him start healing. 
I’m not finished yet, it most likely will take a long while, but I am getting there. He is putting people around me that make it easier to get there, people who show me that it can and will be different, and Romania is a big part of that.
So there is my extroversion on your screen. I’m excited about the coming months…change, change, change. 

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