Still the baby

I’m still the baby, the youngest, the child amongst adults. Or so I feel at the moment. 
Amidst friends getting married, finding 9 to 5 jobs, and buying houses my brain gets fried with the idea that I might be in that stage when I actually possibly could/ should be a grown up. 
I’m the baby of my family you see, I have a older brother with a beautiful wife and house, and parents who still support me and let me live with them. 
So it is easy at this moment to welcome in the younger me, the one who has little responsibility and can waste away days doing nothing with little cost. 
But you see in two weeks I will be on a plane, going to new responsibilities, new adulthood and new worlds. I will once again be embracing the older Rachel, the one who knows how to manage money and look after herself. 
These past two months have been glorious. Hard and testing, but also glorious. Because I have been free to simply be me. To face the fear and excitement, to face loneliness and independence. All in the safety of being a child again. 
It has brought me back to the simply truth that I am first and foremost a daughter. A daughter of my parents yes but a daughter to the King of Kings, the almighty Father of Heaven, the one who created everything in its beauty. 
To reconnect with that has been so key. 
To realise again that I don’t have to do it alone, or struggle against the tide of life but I can hold His hand and run and skip as He leads me on. 
I am a daughter yelling yes to a Father calling her forward, calling her to turn the next corner. A Father who stands in front and behind yelling truth and love and grace. A Father who knows when to hold tight and when to push. 
I am His Daughter, and I know that it is all grace. 
Grace from Him that I am here, Grace from Him that I have my life and the opportunities. 
So in the next two weeks as I step into the adulthood that awaits I rest in thankfulness for the time as a child, for the moments when it is still there, for the 2 months of remembering that pure truth. 
I am a Daughter first. 
Rachel 

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