I am sorry I believed the hype.

The following I wrote a while back, processing with a pen and paper. I showed it to Miia- she said to publish it and I got scared. Then Emma Watson did her UN speech and something about her speaking made me a bit more brave.

There is a rhythm to these words in my head, like a spoken word poem; just so you know so you can think in that way when you read it.

“Who told you that to be a man you had to be hard? Who told you that laughing at others was something to be shared and aspired to? Where is the inspiration to turn my body into size and shape, and your pleasure?

Who told you that caring, and loving and actually honouring was something to be ignored, something too hard to strive for?

I didn’t realise that the world put so many lies in your head as well as mine. I didn’t realise that while i was sold makeup and photo-shop, You were sold the world of dominance and empty emotion

I don’t think we realise that your gender have been just as much sold lies as mine, that the world seems to fight for me and mine, but with you they attack and accuse, like this is all new and they don’t know where you got it from.

That the men of the previous generations didn’t pass it on, and the music and rhymes didn’t make you confuse the truth, with the word on the street that shes a hoe, or she’s my bitch…you never stopped to think….

What of this is true?

While my self assurity was being replaced with a lack of self respect and questions in front of a mirror, while I wrote that check list of things I needed to change…

You were doing the same. maybe not exactly how I was, but it had the same end game.

We lost our trust, our understanding, out love; for ourselves and for the other, I stopped trusting you as you were taught I was to be used

I was taught to be independent…of modesty and honesty, of chastity and I moved to seeing you as my assurity that I was worth something.

Lies, we were fed lies, as we grew up, our eyes had already been cover by wool and our hearts were already full of the changes we needed to make..leading to us forgetting that we are human.

We are not their mistakes, or lyrics, or pains, or the lives they have lived and invented for screens and magazines which tell us…20 ways to be…

its not reality

our hearts are precious, my thoughts are not empty, and neither are yours, we have a voice and we have a right, to be a light; to return to honour and trust, and honesty, and respect…

I’m sorry I believed the hype, that you got it alright, I’m sorry I believed the lies and made you the prize. It’s not that I don’t think you are great…I just made the mistake

Of thinking that you had it fine, while I was fed a line.”

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