I feel the need to type.
Type whatever words come out my finger tips. I sit here on my bedroom floor, fire crackling in the background, candles lit before me and Ludovico playing from my spotify.
I like to type, it is a release from my brain. It is a unusual way for a extrovert processor to process because it is not vocal and does not necessarily reach anyone else’s ears, but never the less, I type to release my brain of the thoughts that run through it at an abnormal speed.
The last few weeks have made me realise two things very clearly.
One: I am and have been, very exceedingly blessed in who I have been surrounded by, especially when it comes to men.
If you had asked me two or three months ago I most likely wouldn’t have said that. I would have declared that trusting men is difficult and painful to me. However that Rachel was wrong.
To start with I think my dad is most likely the most supportive person towards me; he embraces and loves the fact that I do not necessarily fit, that I always seem to go a different way from the norm. In fact sometimes he encourages it.
Then there is my brother. The older and by far more sensible sibling, without whom I would never ever have made it to this version of me. He put up with a lot from me growing up I think, and yet somehow he managed to be a good, loyal man of a brother.
And then come the men in Sheffield, who pushed me and encouraged me, who gave me hugs when I needed them and who taught me to be fierce. And now, as I sit in my bedroom, I realise that I am once again surrounded by men who somehow have managed to support, encourage and uplift me. Having had some not-so-great news recently, they gave me things to laugh at, allowed me to cry on them, and generally made me feel loved and reminded me of the greatness of God.
I don’t know why but I needed to write this out. The truth that regardless of what the whole of the world tells us, men and women we can be friends; brothers & sisters, stand side-by-side. I believed the world for so long that we couldn’t and all it did was harm me.
I am slowly realising that God is entirely anti-cultural, anti-world and anti-our-logic. Where we see sex and relationships and complications in the way of friendship, He sees it different. He sees His creations and His children, He sees humanity as He wanted it to be- one body, supporting and building one another up. Yes He created marriage and love, but He also created friendship- healthy, supportive, loving friendship. (In case you didn’t figure it out this was the second thing I realised)
I don’t have it all sorted or figured out, but I think maybe my inclining that the whole ‘men and women cannot be friends’ is wrong, may just about be right. I think I am tired of letting myself believe the opposite.