I wake up and my mind travels across to the clothes on the rack and how they will hang from the frame of my body- which top and which bottom should be paired today? what jacket and shoes? should I layer or be simple? And my heart skips in- stop, wait a minute, why are you here? And my voice opens up and I say ‘For you and yours.’ And I try to pull my mind away from the material and the external and back to the soul, and the heart, and back to You and your voice.
I pick up the book and read the words, trying to soak in what you have for this day, for this moment, for this hour. For the time that is your creation. I am realising that I am incapable of understanding this world without you. That I am in need of you in every minute of my day, because you are creator and Lord. And because you know, deeper than me, who I was created to be.
My vision is blinded by the world that I see, so I turn and look to your face and say ‘Show me your way, your footprints and paths, your lefts and your rights.’ Allow my vanity and pride to be washed away as I try to step into your stride.
At 25 I seem to know everything and nothing…at this moment more nothing than everything. But I want to know, in the way only an intimate friend and lover can, they way you intended and planned this all to work out, and how you dreamed at creation for the world and people to be.
I am realising that it is not more you and less me, but more you in me. More your reflection and not the worlds. More your heart and not my own.
So in my morning routine when my mind goes to ‘lipstick and jeans’, or ‘am I brave enough to wear colour’, let my mind be drawn back to the reality of your heart, and let my feet follow your map. So that somehow through my dot in time, your name will be famous and not mine.