Around three months ago I sat on a chair in front of a group of people and talked about prayer. I talked about what I had learnt as I looked at Jesus and his life. What I saw in his prayer life, in his daily actions.
Intimacy basically. The quiet, hidden, behind closed door place was where I ended up.
And then I got busy again. Busy trying to fit a thousand thoughts and actions in a day all the while missing what I spoke about on that day.
But here is the thing, I don’t actually think I was that busy.
I had a job to do, and life things which take time, but I was not actually busy or stressed. I just didn’t know how to manage my time, prioritise the important things, or live in a routine.
And as I traveled back for Christmas, and New Years and time off I thought about how little time I had taken to spend in the quiet, in the hidden intimate places.
The time where you get to sit at the feet of God and lay it all out, and read his word and his guiding. And slowly as my holiday and rest came to an end, I began to make lists and plans.
Figure out the ways in which I can prioritise my time. I have found myself realising that so many times I blame everything around me for making my life ‘busy’ or ‘stressed’ forgetting that I have the capability to stop, breath and take a bit of control.
I think maybe I have brought into the lie that rushing around with 1000 things to do is what makes you successful, and that being a busy person means you are valuable. Some where along the line I think I decided that to be loved, to be accepted, to be someone, then you need to have a life where your diary is full and your to-do lists are longer than your arm, and so I looked to live life in that way.
And as I start 2016 I think it is time to let go of that lie. To see that spending time behind a closed door, sat with a bible and listening to God is so much more important than anything else. You cannot claim to have a friendship with someone who you never make time to speak to, and you cannot give out when you are empty.
So I want to be slower, be quieter, be more aware of the stillness that is needed. I want to loose track of time sometimes, and not worry about the to-do lists.